Hello, yes, it’s me again, everyone’s favorite very sporadically blogging ancient lolita aunt here to rant about something. These are weird and trying times, and as such folks are responding by…having a little fun? Wearing lolita with sneakers! Pairing lolita with harnesses! Trying out casual lolita (even if sometimes it’s not really casual, but that’s a whole other gripe!) and as such the community has a lot of Opinions.
I’ve been a lolita for…too long. Like….15? 16? Years? Long? And this is something that’s come up time and time again in my billion year reign as Person Who Does Things that The Online Community Would Hate But I Rarely Post So Nobody Knows Who I Am and It’s Chill (it’s a long title, but somebody’s gotta carry it.) I notice a few things every time this comes up, which is usually over the summer, but because we’re all trapped inside it’s kind of an extended summer vacation for folks in school.
First: Pretty much everybody having this conversation is a new lolita
The people pushing the boundaries, the people getting angry at people for pushing the boundaries, etc. The longer someone is a lolita, the less they care about the grand scale of the online community, I find. Folks may still share coordinates, of course, but the longer you’re around the more you know not to post the really avant garde stuff to a big old group where people have so many thoughts. The more tired you are of having internet arguments about clothing. The more you don’t want to interact with people who’ve only been in the fashion a year and yet think they know everything about it.
Second: Nobody seems to know that the rules are fake?
Ever since way back in the day when the Lolita Handbook was made, it was really more of a way to direct newer lolitas to get a really good idea of the core of the fashion so they’d stop pestering us with questions quite so much. It was literally a way of weeding out a bunch of newbies on the EGL LJ community, a lolita FAQ as it were. Sure, there are a lot of things that are common in lolita, but literally nothing is set in stone.
Third: Shit has changed so much that eventually some of these arguments will seem archaic.
People try and point to a lot of lolita rules as though they’ve been the same forever and the style will look exactly the same in ten years as it does now. But having been in the community for a literal age, I can personally attest to how drastically things have changed. Petticoats were a suggestion, not a necessity, and they certainly weren’t as monsterously poofy as they are now. Wigs used to be totally taboo, and unnaturally colored hair too. Cutsews used to be really common and so were more casual coords. It’s all temporary, and fashion changes.
Fourth: Someone else’s fun time does not prevent you from being whatever your ideal of a lolita is.
People seem to take wearing sneakers or skipping a blouse as a personal insult. Chill. Go coordinate a nice outfit for yourself. It’s fine.
There’s my Ancient and Wise Lolita thoughts on the matter. If y’all want some more rants I’m happy to provide? In the meantime, gimme your best recommendations of lolitas on instagram pushing the envelope. I love a coord with a t-shirt or combat boots or whatever else weird shit you’ve got.
Liliana Rowena said:
I see this go down so often in closet of frills! I really do enjoy some of the concrit though some of it has genuinely helped me improve
makelovely said:
I totally get that! I do think critique can be helpful, but a lot of it that I see if way too picky for my taste haha.
Caroline Cherry said:
I enjoy your Ancient and Wise (TM) rantings! I haven’t been a lolita as long as you but I’m also over it, I only post my outfits to my personal blog and instagram, never to facebook groups because ugh, don’t want to deal. I’m fat and wear casual outfits so I know I’d get a lot of hate! But it makes me happy lol.
makelovely said:
Ahaha I’m glad! That’s totally fair, that’s what lolita should be! A fun way to dress that makes you happy.
Cupcake Kamisama said:
PREACH! I’ve not been in lolita for as long as you have (actively in the fashion for not even half of your reign) and I am behind every word of your rant. Between this, the already massive pressure that looms over anyone using social media to constantly be our best selves and all the other not-nice things that are happening in groups like Closet of Frills and the newer Daily EGL ones, I’m really over sharing my outfits there. My own blog, Instagram and the Lolita Amino are enough. And if I genuinely want concrit, I’d much rather ask people whose opinion I actually trust and value, like my lolita friends or my community, because they know the difference between concrit and personal opinion, as well as the balance between ‘this is experimental and here’s how to tweak it for the experiment to work’ and ‘this is experimental, let’s make it more traditionally lolita’.
makelovely said:
Ughhh same, I’ve only posted like a handful of times and had an okay experience, but it feels like things have been particularly ridiculous lately. Totally agreed! It’s like…concrit is sometimes definitely needed, especially if you’re trying something weird or coordinating something new, but get it from folks who you know how well they dress haha.
Sparklewolfie said:
Haha so true!!
Remember the debate of POLKA DOTS or…. RIC-RAC?????
And the arrival of MINI length skirts and SALOPETTES T^T
Fashion evolves~~
I actually had a draft of a blog post on “# things wrong with Lolitas” based on this type of harping, but I really like your short and sweet take on it :3
makelovely said:
Oh my gooood, yes! I distinctly remember the ric-rac. Folks still hate on that and I think it’s cute AND easy to sew so it’s a yes in my book haha.
Aww shucks, thanks so much!
Sparklewolfie said:
Ric-rac is very hit-or-miss to me. Sometimes a bit of it is fitting I think, like in Magical Etoile (is that the dress that started the whole debate??? With the silver ric-rac?) but if it’s used just to save money on lace it can be jarring to the overall design. Really, nothing should be considered 100% out I think…. there is usually some way that it can be used tastefully!z
nefferinthia said:
I couldn’t agree more! Sometimes it seems like people are dressing up for the community’s approval more than for themselves, and the onlookers then start to demand that everything appeal to their particular sensibilities. There’s things I don’t like in lolita, but that doesn’t mean they’re not part of the fashion.
makelovely said:
Yes! Exactly. Just cause I don’t wear something myself doesn’t mean it’s inherently not part of the fashion!